dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
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Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
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I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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