So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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