You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
