Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
