i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
