There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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