Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
