for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
