i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
