he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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