laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
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i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
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Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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