Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm like, not good at living.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
