Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
