Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
