I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
