And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
