I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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