I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
