She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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