if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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