he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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