Already got asked if we're dating
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
