Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
