I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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