She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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