We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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