is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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