There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
