He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
