I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
