These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize