UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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