He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
