You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
