so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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