I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
