I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
