First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
