Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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