You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
