I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
