Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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