Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
