you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
