She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
