you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
