wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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