Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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