pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
