So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
