hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
