uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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