sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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