The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I need a burrito and a hug.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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