it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We have started to decorate penises.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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