It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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