Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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