My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
