I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
