He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
